As We Are
by Jania Jitsu
Summary: In an AU, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus Lupin to go to Hogwarts. (AU, so no OotP spoilers.)
1. A Chance

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer**: The boys and Lily aren't mine, which is why the books are about Harry. (Wouldn't it be sweet on multiple levels if JKR wrote a series about the Marauders, and their school days, and afterward, and if they had the courtship of Lupin and Black? Awwww!)

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Category**: Strange A/U; enough fluff to make a good pillow; Ooh-la-la!-romance; a smidgen of OhmyGod!-drama and Heeheehee!-humor.

***Summary**: A strange idea I got, seemingly out of nowhere: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus Lupin to go to Hogwarts.

***Spoilers**: It's possible. You are warned.

***Timeline Info**: Alternate universe- Siri, Remy, and Co. are sixteen.

***Rating**: It's either PG or PG-13. (Sorry, I'm not capable of writing and NC-17, be it slash, het, or Sirius and Remus.)

***Warnings**: There's a slash couple and a het couple or two in here. Just thought I'd warn. 

PS: Forgive me for Jack's accent. I tried.

***

Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. --Mark Twain

** Part One ** A Chance **

      He walked into the Three Broomsticks, closing the door almost silently behind him. He tried to make himself more presentable by tidying his ragged clothes and the frayed, patched-up coat that was at least and inch too short at the sleeves.

      Rosmerta shouted, "Not open yet!" from where she sat; her eyes not leaving the forms she was studying.

      "I-I'm sorry," a timid voice said quietly as its owner walked further into the room, "I don't mean to disturb you, but I'm here to ask about the job."

      Rosmerta didn't recognize the voice, so she looked up to see who this was, exactly.

      He was young-- about sixteen or so. He was lanky with longish honey-blond hair and sad eyes of an envious grey color. He was dressed rather poorly, in clothes that had been patched and repaired so many times that the wearer looked like an exceptionally clean bum.

      Rosmerta recognized him by description-- other shop owners had warned her about a raggedy little boy with sweet eyes who would come in asking to work. They said he was a werewolf.

"No," she said curtly, looking back down at her papers. Honestly, did the tax forms have to be so damn bloody complicated?!

And, on top of that, the boy wasn't giving up.

"But your sign says you're hiring," he said politely, if a little stubbornly.

"I never said I wasn't," Rosmerta replied. "I am hiring, in fact. Just not you."

He looked shocked, and hurt, and very ashamed. Then... understanding. "Oh." He coughed and seemed to get control of himself. He made a little bow and said, "Well, thank you, ma'am, for your time. I'll be going, then."

"Cor, Rosy," Jack exclaimed from the doorway to the kitchen. "C'mon, now, give 'im a chance! 'E's jus' a wee lad, but I betcha 'e does well 'nough!"

"Jack," Rosmerta hissed, "you're the cook. This isn't any of your business."

"Oh, it en't, then! I'm sayin', give the lad a chance, is all. Go on. Y'don' even know 'im."

"It's all right, sir," the boy interjected. "I believe she's already heard about me, am I right, Madam?"

"I may have heard something," Rosmerta said. 

She tried to keep dignity in her voice, but she was suddenly feeling sheepish for listening to gossip-talk. What would her mother have said?! Of course there was only one way to right it. 

"But I like to judge things for myself," Rosmerta added haughtily. "What can you do?"

"I can cook a bit. I can serve-- I have an excellent memory. I can clean up nicely. I can probably do anything you ask, if you'll tell me how just once."

"All right, that's good. And I suppose you'll be needing those days off every month?"

He hesitated, then said, "Just the nights, ma'am, but if you don't mind too much, might I have the day after as well? I need to recover you see," he began to talk quickly, taking her silence for disapproval. "It's not even required, if you can't spare me for it, it's just better if--"

Rosmerta tried to sound harsh, but it didn't quite work. "I don't want you coming in here ill. If you need it, you can have it. Can you start today?"

He grinned broadly, and eagerly said, "Yes, ma'am, I can!"

"All right then. Now, I really should have asked this first, but what's your name, boy?"

"Lupin, ma'am. Remus Lupin."

"Stop saying 'ma'am' so much, Lupin. You make a girl feel old."

"Sorry, ma--er... sorry."

***

      He was a studious little worker, Rosmerta had to admit, and so polite for a-- Rosmerta shook her head and tried to clear that thought. After the first week, she realized that it wasn't an act: Remus Lupin was every bit as sweet and earnest as he appeared to be. Rosmerta was trying to get rid of all her prejudices against werewolves, but it was rather difficult. She had been raised in a wizarding household. Wizards' children were taught that werewolves were vicious animals.

      Rosmerta almost laughed at the thought of the little Lupin boy as a vicious creature. He wouldn't even let her kill the mouse they had caught in the pantry; and when she had refused to allow him to let it go outside he insisted that he keep it in a cage in his room.

      Rosmerta had even come to an agreement with Albus Dumbledore-- the headmaster of Hogwarts, as of three years ago-- on what to do about Lupin's little werewolf problem. Dumbledore had set up a little house that no one could get into except through a secret passage that was protected by a Whomping Willow. He had also agreed to keep the boy in the Hogwarts infirmary the day after the full moon.

      He was a great man, Dumbledore. It almost brought a tear to Rosmerta's eye, and she wasn't one for crying.

***

      Remus smiled as he walked away with the order at table six. After delivering it to the kitchens he brought drinks to table four and began to clean up table three. He picked up his tip, ecstatic at the knowledge of the bronze and gold in his apron pocket. (He traded all his Sickles with Madam Rosmerta for Knuts.)

      He was doing so well here, after only a month! He had been able to afford new-used Muggle pants, a new-used shirt, and new-used shoes-- all of which fit him nicely-- from a Muggle store called "Goodwill" that his mother had always shopped from before.

      Remus broadened his smile a little with the effort of not crying. He would not-- WOULD NOT-- think about Mum and Da. Not now.

      He could almost hear his father's voice in his head saying, 'Buck up, Re, it's not forever. Tomorrow is another day, but you've still got to get through this one first.' 

He could almost hear his mother's soft, gentle voice: 'Now, Remus, remember that the pleasure of holding your head high the whole year is well paid for by certain times which, on occasion, must be suffered through.'

So he held his head high and brought table six their order, even though his parents would never know the difference.

***

      Remus went to bed that night after closing time. Before turning out the light he pulled from the pocket of his coat a photograph.

      It was an old black-and-white photograph, and very weathered. In it there were two people: a man and a woman, getting married. They were walking down the isle as the picture was taken. When they saw that someone was looking at them they waved happily. The man gave his new wife a little schnoogle; she laughed and blushed, continuing to wave.

      Remus smiled and said goodnight to the only picture he had left of his parents.

***

End Part One.

***

**End Notes**: Dunno if they have Goodwill in the UK. I don't know much about it except that poor people (or anyone, really, but it's meant for poor people) can get used clothes very cheap. Remus's mother talking in his head is a modified quote from Casti. Dunno who that is, but it's a good quote.

Also, sorry that there was no Siri yet, but he'll be coming in for part two.


	2. Angel in an Apron

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer**: The characters still aren't mine. Are you as surprised as I am?

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Summary**: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.

***

"Never deny what your heart truly feels." --the Mask of Zorro

** Part Two ** Angel in an Apron **

      "They should be coming tonight. They've been doing this for about three years now. I don't tell Headmaster Dumbledore because he already knows about it, I think. So don't worry about that. Just treat them like normal customers. They'll *look* just like normal customers. 

"There's two with black hair and one with blondish-brown. One of the black-haired ones has glasses and impossibly messy hair, and the brunet is short. The other black-haired boy is tall, and he'll be wearing a black leather jacket. He looks like trouble in Muggles' clothing.

"They tip well and generally aren't rowdy, but I thought I'd warn you, because we're not supposed to know they're Hogwarts students. It's an issue, you see, because they're sneaking off school grounds and all. So we just feign ignorance. Got it?"

Remus nodded and Rosmerta sent him back off to work.

***

      "ARRRGH! Why, why, WHY?" he demanded, pulling on his hair. There was plenty to pull on, as it was almost shoulder-length.

      "'Scuse me?" the second asked, looking up from the trunk he was digging through and pushing the spectacles up his nose.

      "You *know* we can't all fit under that invisibility cloak, James Potter! And you *know* who's going to get elected to sneak out!"

      "You have to admit, Siri, you're the best of us at sneaking about. Peter would die-- or worse!-- get caught. We don't want to be rude and make Lily go unprotected, and since she's my--"

      "I know, I know." Sirius Black waved his hand; a gesture of defeat. "Your girlfriend."

      "You know you'll enjoy the challenge."

      Sirius tried, but he couldn't keep from grinning.

      "Yeeeeah," the two friends agreed.

***

  
      They managed to get to the Three Broomsticks easily enough, and they sat down at their usual table. Lily (James's new girlfriend) was looking around a little apprehensively.

      "Well," she said, "I'm impressed you got us this far, but what if someone recognizes us? Madam Rosmerta knows us, for one."

      "We have a little arrangement with Madam Rosmerta," James said with a mysterious grin.

      Lily raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask.

      Sirius looked around at the other customers with a grin. He loved this place. Or, not necessarily *this place*, but rather this feeling of freedom that he got every time he, James, and Peter snuck out of Hogwarts to come here.

He felt powerful. He felt invincible. He felt young. He felt like anything was possible: freedom, happiness, fun... love...

All the way across the room, Sirius saw something. It was a flash of something golden, then another, then the gold stood still long enough for Sirius to see.

He was thin and graceful, and smiled with an ease that made Sirius feel a little faint. The gold that Sirius had seen was hair. It was shorter than Sirius's, though it could not be called *short*, and it curled up a little at the ends. Sirius's first impression was that this must be an angel. A golden-haired angel in an apron.

Sirius would have reveled in this phenomenon that was the angel for an eternity had Peter not elbowed him.

"Hunh?"

Peter, James, and even Lily were giving him identical looks. Sirius Black *was* trouble, and he knew a mischievous look when he saw one. 

"What?" he demanded.

"You were checking someone out!" Peter accused slyly.

"Was not!" Sirius denied with ill-hidden uneasiness. He had been! He was smitten with the angel-- the waiter, that is. But he was a *guy*! Sirius didn't fancy guys... did he?

Lily was looking at him like she knew something, but she said nothing; instead directing her gaze up to Sirius's right.

"Hello," a voice like honey, and chocolate, and first kisses, and rain greeted them. "May I take your order?"

***

      As Remus went to wait on table two, he realized that it was the people Madam Rosmerta had warned him about and a grin spread across his face. They had an extra with them-- a girl-- but he recognized them from Madam Rosmerta's descriptions. Especially the one with long black hair. With his slightly catlike features, smoldering dark eyes, and the leather jacket he really did look like "trouble in Muggles' clothing".

      "Hello," he said as pleasantly as he could. "May I take your order?"

      Trouble turned to face him, and there was an odd look on his face. Remus shifted a little nervously. They didn't know anything about him, did they? Remus knew that they might have seen him before, especially when he was living in London just after his parents died, but no one ever paid any attention to sidewalk beggars, so Trouble *couldn't* recognize him!

      The little red-haired girl gave her order, and the others followed suit, so Remus didn't have time to think of Trouble any more.

***

      "So," James asked after the angel left with their orders, "who were you checking out, Siri?"

      "What? Oh. Oh, no one. I just thought I saw something back there."

      "Suuuuuuure..." James and Peter gave Sirius winks and Lily laughed.

      "What?" Sirius demanded cockily, "You don't believe me?"

      This prompted another laugh from all of them except Sirius, who tried to act affronted.

      "What great friends I have! Hmph."

      But Sirius was secretly following a golden trail of hair out of the corner of his eye and the next time the angel came to the table he was prepared enough to remain relatively nonchalant.

      When they went home that night, Sirius claimed to be tired and went directly to bed. He didn't sleep at all that night; but he did lay and stare at the ceiling, pondering his sexuality.

      He came to no conclusions by the next day. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.

      By this time, almost the whole school had noticed that something was wrong with the slightly infamous Sirius Black. Lily told James and Peter to leave Sirius alone about it. Her advice was usually good, so they did.

      Lily, however, had no intention of following her own advice. After lunch one day when Sirius was going to the Gryffindor Common Room she nabbed him and began dragging.

      "Umm, Lily? Where are you taking me?"

      "Somewhere we can be alone."

      "No! Wait! I don't like you that way, Lil! What about James?!"

      Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not like that, you prat. I need to talk to you."

      "Cripes, Lils, you couldn't have just *asked*?"

      "You would never have agreed if you knew what I want to talk about."

      "And what is that?" Sirius said with mocking suspense in his voice.

      Lily looked in both directions, but no one was coming. "I know who you were gawking at. That night in Hogsmeade," she clarified.

      Sirius lost all his mocking immediately. "Wh-what? I--No, Lil, you're wrong."

      "No I'm not," she said with that unique brand of Lily confidence that made Sirius want to hang his head in defeat.

      "And what of it?" he asked, now adopting an almost sulky defiant tone.

      "I think you should talk to him is what." While Sirius was still absorbing that one sentence into his head, Lily was already moving on. "My friends have talked to him before on Hogsmeade weekends and they say he's very sweet. If he doesn't give you a shot he'll let you down easy."

      "Oh, that's really comforting," Sirius replied, his sarcasm having returned.

      "Well, I see it like this:" Lily said with irritation, "you can either go talk to him and find out if he likes you or you can keep walking around in your little daze, bumping into everything and accidentally blowing things up in Potions."

      Sirius didn't answer, and eventually Lily left him to stare at the stone wall and ponder.

***

End Part Two.

***

**End Notes**: I'm just going to note here that Remus's appearance was based directly off of Ewan McGregor and that Sirius was based pretty much off of Christopher Ralph (I don't expect anyone to know who he is) on the assumption that he'll grow older and have a bit of Johnny Depp in him. (You'll have to forgive me for that one- I've never been quite sure on what I think Sirius looks like, and I just saw "From Hell" so I'm in a state of Johnny Depp adoration.)


	3. When Trouble Comes Around

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer**: The characters still aren't mine and I'm sure we're all just *weeping*.

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Summary**: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.

***

"Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." --Braveheart

** Part Three ** When Trouble Comes Around **

      Remus remembered how to get into Hogwarts from the secret passage in Honeyduke's that Professor Dumbledore had showed him the last time. He had made sure to memorize the way so no one would have to take the time to help him this time. Unfortunately, the secret passage ended up at a statue of a witch inside the school. Remus would have to sneak out of the school and get into the little house before the moon rose.

      He listened carefully. It didn't sound like anyone was near. He muttered the password that opened the passage and after a quick check he got out. Professor Dumbledore had advised him to walk quickly but confidently, and not to run. Remus felt like running, and he had never walked confidently in his life! 

But the castle proved beautiful and exotic enough to keep him at a very fast walk, and the only thing that kept him from stalling to gape at the various paintings and objects was the knowledge that he had to get to that shack before nightfall.

The school nurse, Madam Pomfrey, was waiting for Remus at the big tree with the branches that swirled around like a storm. Remus abandoned all pretenses and ran to her.

"Don't worry," she said with a smile that surprised Remus with its warmth, "you're pretty early. Now, I'm going to show you how to do this in case of an emergency, but normally you're to wait for Albus-- Professor Dumbledore, that is-- or another staff member, like me. Watch."

She grabbed a large stick and poked a particular knot in the tree with it. The tree's branches calmed, as if it had suddenly gone to sleep. Remus took this opportunity to go through another secret passage that had opened up, and found himself inside his full moon home.

***

      Sirius went to the Three Broomsticks that night, but the angel wasn't there. Sirius shuddered as he snuck back into Hogwarts-- something in the old shack was screaming. Could it be ghosts? Sirius would have to investigate some time. Right now he was strangely torn between fleeing (the sensible thing) and running to the howl (where the hell did *that* come from?!).

The angel wasn't there the next night either. Sirius became worried. Had he moved on to somewhere else? Had he left, guessing what Sirius felt about him? Was he merely a figment of Sirius's often overactive (but only recently homosexual) imagination?

      Sirius didn't know, but he was beginning to get antsy, especially when James pulled him aside to talk, despite Lily's previous admonitions.

      "Listen," James said quietly, "you've been acting really off lately. You barely eat, and you never say much. You haven't played a prank in forever! And for the past two nights you've been going down to Hogsmeade, I know it. What's up, Sirius? What are you looking for?"

      Sirius hesitated to answer. "I can't tell you."

      James was taken aback. His eyes went wide and he even took a step backwards, as if to get a better view of something.

      "What?" he breathed.

      Sirius screwed his eyes tightly shut and repeated the most difficult sentence he had ever uttered in his life: "I can't tell you."

      In all the time that they had been friends-- which was a very, very long time-- there had never been a single thing that James Potter and Sirius Black couldn't share with each other. Sirius could guess how James would react, and he was right.

      James tried to act as if he weren't hurt, but he didn't do too good a job of it. It showed on his face and in his words. "Oh. Well, all right then. I see how it is. All right. Well... well, if you ever think you *can* tell me then you do that."

      "I'll tell you eventually, Jim," Sirius said, with hopes of placating his friend, "I just have to sort things out first."

      "No," James said, already beginning to walk away, "that's all right. Really. We can't tell each other *everything* I suppose."

      When James was gone, Sirius began to bang his head on the wall. What was he going to do about this? Was a boy he didn't even know really worth damaging his friendship with James? What Sirius really wanted was everything: the angel and his friends.

      But how the hell was Sirius supposed to tell them all that he was a "pouf"?

***

      Remus woke up in the infirmary, feeling absolutely drained. A quick check: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch all okay.

      Remus wiggled his fingers and stretched a few muscles to test them. This was the best he'd ever felt after a full moon! It was amazing! Sure, he still felt achy all over, but it certainly wasn't that mind-numbing pain he was used to. 

On top of that, he wouldn't have to cover up any scratches or bruises. Like last time, he had no bandages. Madam Pomfrey-- the Hogwarts school nurse-- had healed all the injuries that the wolf had tried to inflict on Remus. (Remus's theory was that it sensed the human blood within him.)

Remus usually didn't remember much that went on while he was the wolf. Often all the had of the night was a confusing collage of vague details. This time he remembered the wolf tearing him up more horribly than usual, though he had no idea why. 

He also remembered it howling. Now, the wolf howling was not unusual in itself, but it was the particular *type* of howl that had Remus worried.

The wolf had been howling for its mate.

***

It wasn't that James was ignoring Sirius. It wasn't that James wasn't talking to him. It wasn't that James was even being *rude* to Sirius. It was just that James wasn't all that great at hiding it when he was hurt.

Sirius, for his part, felt terrible that he couldn't talk to his best friend about this. After all, if he couldn't talk to his very best friend who *could* he talk to?

'You could talk to the angel!' a voice that sounded remarkably like Lily's chided him in his head.

'I've been looking!' Sirius whined back. 'He hasn't been around.'

'Did you ask Madam Rosmerta where he is?'

Sirius didn't reply.

'I thought not. Now get your ass back into Hogsmeade and look for him!'

'Yes, ma'am!' Sirius had to restrain himself from actually saluting the imaginary Lily.

Suddenly motivated, Sirius leapt up from his seat in the common room and would have dashed out through the portrait had he not run smack-dab into James.

There was a pause. 

"Going out?"

"Umm... yeah, actually."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, then. I guess I'll see you."

"Yeah."

Sirius watched James walk off and felt like something was being stabbed into his heart. It seemed that this was his year for strange new feelings. He didn't like how things stood between him and his best friend, but he just didn't want to tell James yet.

'I mean, honestly,' he told the Lily in his head, 'what if I go talk to the angel and he doesn't swing like that? Or if he does, but he just doesn't like me? If that happens and I haven't told James, I don't have to deal with awkwardness. I can just say that I was chasing a bird and she didn't go for me. That's it.'

Sirius had made it to Hogsmeade by that time. After leaving Honeydukes (where the secret passage lead out to) he made his way to the Three Broomsticks. The lights were out and the sign said 'Closed for the night!' in red letters that shimmered and sparkled. 

Sirius then proceeded to utter every curse word he knew, along with some he just kind of made up on the spot.

In the middle of this, just like in some Muggle movie, Sirius heard a voice behind him: "Is something wrong?"

Sirius stopped kicking the wall and turned around.

***

End Part Three.

***

**End Notes**: Okay, I realize that Harry opened the passage to Hogsmeade with his wand and a word, but let's say that word was just a password and you don't have to have a wand, okay? Suspension of disbelief is lovely, ain't it?


	4. You are the Mystical Eyed Virgin

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer**: "Dear Diary: Jo wouldn't give me Siri and Remy AGAIN today. That just... UGH! She makes me SO. MAD. I mean, HONESTLY. ANYONE can see that they belong together... in my house. On a different note, have written another part to my S/R slash fic. Go me!"

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Summary**: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: Uh, please just keep in mind that a lot of the description of Remus is from Sirius's point of view and Sirius's description is from Remus's POV. They tend to glorify each other, especially Sirius, the little poet. (*wink*wink*giggle*)

***

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. --Ambrose Bierce

** Part Four ** You Are the Mystical-Eyed Virgin **

      Sirius smiled a perfectly fake smile. "Hi, Rosmerta. What's up?"

      "*I* should be asking *you* that! What're you doing hanging outside here kicking at my walls?"

      "Well, you're closed, you see, and I was kind of looking for someone."

      "Here? After closing time? Who?"

      "Uh... yeah. Well, it's that blond-haired fellow who works for you. I had to--to ask him something."

      Madam Rosmerta narrowed her eyes and her tone got harsher than Sirius had ever heard it. "You leave that boy alone, Sirius Black. He's got enough problems without you messing with him for how he is."

      Sirius was about to ask what in hell she was talking about when a voice called out, "Madam Rosmerta?" and the angel himself appeared.

      Sirius nearly gasped, and any doubts he'd had before disappeared. He was... beautiful. He had a dark, knit cap over his tousled hair and a raggedy brown jacket wrapped around his thin body. His breath came out in clouds and his cheeks were pink with the cold-- it was December and the snow was falling around them. 

Their eyes met, and Sirius found that he was having trouble breathing. The angel had beautiful amber eyes that were almost as golden as his hair. The angel tilted his head to one side, as if trying to figure out something.

"Hello," the angel said in his strange, ethereal voice.

"He came to talk to you," Madam Rosmerta said, her voice a little distrusting.

Sirius didn't get it. She knew him! They were friends. What was it that she thought he was going to do to this boy? Apparently the angel thought something along Madam Rosmerta's lines, but his face showed more worry and fear than distrust.

"I have to go home, now," the angel said carefully.

Sirius did not feel cautious at all. Sirius was impulsive and desperate. 

"Where do you live?" he demanded. "I'll walk you there. ...I mean, I really need to talk to you," he added after a second, "and I don't know what it is that you and Rosy are afraid of me doing or saying, but I promise I'll try not to."

"All right," the angel agreed after a hesitation.

"Lupin?" Rosmerta called out before they left. He went to her and she handed him something; Sirius couldn't see what.

"It's a Portkey," the angel explained with a grin, and Sirius was surprised that the snow around them hadn't melted. "It goes back here. She gets worried about me when I walk home."

"Oh. I'm not going to hurt you," Sirius assured him.

"Oh. Thank you."

They were silent for a moment while Sirius got up his nerve and the angel waited for him to say something.

"So... Lupin? Is that what Rosy said your name is?"

"Remus Lupin."

Sirius attempted a casual nod. "Right. Cool name. Mine's Sirius Black. Is there a Romulus?"

"My twin brother. He died when we were four."

Sirius winced. "Oh. Sorry."

"It's all right."

"So, are you related to Rosmerta?"

"No," he said, as if this were all perfectly normal, "all my relatives are either dead or just don't care."

"Damnit, I suck at this!" Sirius cursed.

The angel-- Remus Lupin, that is-- laughed, which made Sirius feel a *little* better. "It's all right!" he repeated. "But you'll have to tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me, because we're standing in front of my home right now and it's awfully late."

"Right, Remus Lupin. I don't know where you're from, or how old you are--"

"Seventeen."

Sirius was taken aback. "Really?"

"Yes, but I doubt that's the point here."

"Right. It's not. The point is that... well, I don't know much about you at all, and you know nothing about me, except for what Rosy probably told you."

"Trouble in Muggles' clothing," Remus recited.

Sirius paused for a moment and laughed. "Seriously? Is that what she said? Well, I'm really not that bad. That is, I don't break laws... often... and I don't get caught even if I do-- oh, damnit, I *really suck* at this!"

He was rewarded with another laugh. "How about this:" Remus said, "I'll shut up and you say outright whatever it is you have to say."

"Okay," Sirius said, shifting from foot to foot. 

He looked up at his angel named Remus, who was looking up at him expectantly; his cheeks rosy and face solemn.

"Umm, see, the thing is... the thing is that... IthinkImightloveyou."

Remus's face was now confused. "Pardon?"

"*Pleeeeeease* don't make me repeat that!" Sirius moaned.

"No, I honestly couldn't understand you. You were talking awfully fast, and to your glove."

Sirius closed his eyes and tried again, but he couldn't speak slowly, so he ignored his fear and did the only other thing he could think of: he leaned forward and kissed Remus.

It was electric; tantalizing him and, despite the fact that it was still freezing outside, Sirius felt warm inside and out. Most amazing of all was that Remus was responding! They were less than inches apart, gloved hands lightly grazing each other's faces and hair.

Finally, Sirius forced himself to pull away.

"I. Love. You."

This time he said it just slowly enough.

***

Remus was taken aback for a moment. Trouble, whose name was actually Sirius Black, had just said... what?

The wolf (who was generally buried deep inside Remus at this time of the month) was practically jumping around like a hyperactive child inside Remus's mind.

And all he could manage to say was, "Oh."

"'Oh'? What does 'Oh' mean?"

"'Oh' means... 'Oh'."

"Well, is it a 'yes' kind of 'Oh' or a no kind of 'Oh'?"

Remus thought about it for what seemed like forever. This boy obviously didn't know about the wolf. Oh, the wolf knew about *him*-- the wolf wanted to make Sirius its mate. But Remus wasn't so sure.

He took a deep breath.

"That's an 'I really don't think we should be doing this' kind of 'Oh'."

He opened the door of the ratty little apartment complex and went inside. He shut the door behind him, carefully not looking at Sirius. Remus could imagine his heartbroken face just fine without having to see it. 

Besides, if he did look back he might not ever leave.

***

End Part Four.

***

**End Notes**: Title from one version of "Tribute" which is by Tenacious D, of course!


	5. What He Wants

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer Haiku**: Siri and Remy / They are Jo Rowling's, not mine / I think I will cry

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Summary**: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.

***

"A kiss may ruin a human life." --Oscar Wilde

** Part Five ** What He Wants **

      James just stared at Sirius for a moment. Once he had found his voice he said hoarsely, "Oh. Oh, really."

      "Is that a 'yes' kind of 'Oh' or a 'no' kind of 'Oh'?" Sirius's brain mocked him. Out loud, he merely said, in a scared voice, "James..."

      "Nope," James said, shaking his head, his voice and brain having suddenly made a comeback. "Nope. You don't have to say anything, Sirius. You're my best friend. You will be no matter who you fancy, be it that rich bitch Narcissa Marceau or the poor sweet bloke waiting tables at the Three Broomsticks. We're still partners in crime, no matter what."

      Sirius grinned, unsure of whether he felt more like crying or shouting. He settled for saying, "Jamie, I'd give you a hug, but I'm not *that* much of a pouf."

      "So, is that where you went last night? To talk to him?"

      "Yeah," Sirius said; his previous failure catching up with him and changing his mood back into depression.

      James immediately understood the mood change. "No!" he exclaimed, as if scandalized. "He didn't! What, is he *straight*?" For a man who was straight himself, James said the word in a voice awfully close to the one he hurled insults with.

      "No. At least I don't think he is. I mean, he kissed me too..."

      "Wait, you kissed him?"

      "I just told you, there were two of us there kissing!"

      "Unneeded visual," James muttered, taking off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "Well, honestly, I don't know what to do here. We're going to have to go to an expert. Someone who always knows what to do."

***

      "So let me get this straight," Lily said, transferring her critical gaze from Sirius to James and back again. "It didn't work out. He kissed you, so he obviously likes you back, or at least hasn't gotten laid for quite some time. You still love him?"

      "Yes!"

      "What's his name?"

      "Remus Lupin." You'd swear Sirius had just said the name of God.

      "All right. You did a sweeter variation of your traditional Sirius approach and he didn't go for it. You need something different. It may be a little more difficult, but it'll work, unless he's incurably straight." 

"What's that?" Sirius asked.

"Well, what did James do when I first refused him?"

"Almost gave up," James said wryly.

"Okay, but then you got back on your feet and tried again. He sent me presents: flowers and candy and such." 

"Presents?"

"*Presents*, Sirius. Sent anonymously, of course, because he'll *know* who they're from. Give him what he needs; what he wants. You need to *woo* him, Sirius."

Presents... Sirius smiled. He knew *just* what to get.

***

      Remus Lupin opened the door of his ratty little apartment building, but no one was there. Odd, since they had been ringing the bell rather persistently a minute ago.

      It took a moment for Remus to notice the parcel at his feet. He picked it up and squeezed it carefully-- it was very soft. He took it inside to open it; very confused, but definitely smiling.

***

      "So, what did you get?" Lily asked from a couch in the Gryffindor common room, where she was reading a book with her feet propped up lazily on James's legs.

      "Well," Sirius said proudly, "you said to get him what he needed..."

***

      Remus smiled as he pulled the gift out of its paper wrappings. He held it out in front of him, his grin getting even broader.

      It was beautiful! It was perfect! He tried it on and it was just his size. It was warm as well, and a nice color brown.

***

      Lily sat up, alarmed. "A *coat*?!" she spluttered. "Let me get this straight, Sirius Black: I go on about candy, and chocolate, and flowers, and cards, and you buy the love of your life a *jacket*?!"

      Sirius frowned defensively. "Hey, he really needs one, all right? You should see the other one-- it was a patched up old thing that was thread-bare and at least an inch too short at the sleeves. And I got him gloves to go with it." The 'So there!' that should have followed hung in the air unsaid, but heard by all.

***

      Remus was trying on the coat, buttoning it up and checking the pockets and such, when his mind caught up with him and he suddenly realized what had happened: Someone had just sent him a free coat. A jacket, worth at least twelve galleons, for absolutely nothing. Who would *do* that sort of thing?

      In his heart Remus already knew who had sent the coat and gloves, and he suddenly felt like crying.

      "I'm so confused!" he said to the picture of his parents. "I don't know what to do about Sirius. His name is Sirius, Mum, isn't that nice? He's a *star*. And he seems really nice. I wish I were normal, Mum! Why couldn't I be normal?"

      Remus cried.

***

      "Well," Lily said, "I suppose it's your funeral." Then, seeing his face, her expression softened and she gave Sirius a hug. "You did good, Sirius," she whispered in his ear.

      Next James gave him a hug. He said, "You'd *better* be a pouf, hugging my girlfriend like that!"

      James, Lily, and Sirius laughed.

***

End Part Five.

*** 


	6. Just As You Are

***Title**: As We Are

***Author**: Jania Jitsu

***Disclaimer**: I'll be singing the blues until the day the Harry Potter universe belongs to me. My voice is already pretty sore, so I'm hoping I get it soon.

***Feedback**: jania_jitsu@yahoo.com

***Summary**: In an alternate universe, Dumbledore does not become headmaster in time for Remus to go to Hogwarts.

***

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." --Anaïs Nin

** Part Six ** Just As You Are **

      That weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend, and all the students in Hogwarts of third year and above were ecstatic. It was the last weekend before Christmas holiday and people were getting last-minute shopping done, and taking dates out to do romantic things.

      Lily and James had reluctantly abandoned Sirius for this very reason. They weren't going to at first but Sirius forced them to because he knew damn well-- even if Lily didn't-- that James was clutching a black velvet ring box in his pocket.

      Peter had soon after left Sirius as well, to go talk to a sweet blonde Hufflepuff named Sara-Anne Morrow. They were quite perfect for each other in Sirius's opinion. Almost as perfect as James and Lily.

      And so Sirius walked around Hogsmeade alone. He meandered by shops, barely noticing the things in the windows he was staring at and sometimes not even looking at the windows at all.

      It was on one of those stretches of not actually looking at the windows that Sirius had a stroke of luck: out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of gold.

      After pausing for less than a second to reflect that this was how it all began, Sirius ran over to Remus to say hello. Unfortunately, that's not exactly what came out.

      "Aren't you bloody cold without a jacket on?"

      Remus nearly jumped a mile and almost dropped the envelopes he was carrying. Clearly, Sirius had surprised him.

      "Oh. Hello, Sirius," he said nervously, looking everywhere but at Sirius. "I'm just out here to get Mrs. Arthur's mail." 

At this point Sirius blushed, realizing that he had unconsciously walked to Remus's apartment building. He was grateful that the cold covered it up.

"I figured I didn't really need a coat. Plus... um... well, I can't accept your gift. I know it was you that sent the coat and the gloves, and I'm very grateful, but if I accept them..."

      Remus didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't have to. Sirius got the meaning anyway.

      "You can accept them without having to accept me," he said softly. "They're a Christmas present. Can't have you going cold out here."

      "Sirius..." Remus began.

      "No, it's all right. No matter what you say it'll hurt anyhow."

      "You don't understand..."

      "I just want to know one thing, Remus: When you kissed me back... why? Did you feel something, or what? What made you kiss me back?"

      Remus closed his eyes. "Sirius," he said slowly, "this isn't what you think it is. I'm not what you think I am."

      "Well, then, what the hell are you?!" Sirius nearly shouted. "Are you straight? Gay? Bi? Asexual? Alien? Just not in love with me? Give me something to go on here!"

      "It's not you," Remus said quietly. "It's me. I can't fall in love."

      Sirius was shocked. "What? Of course you can fall in love; everyone can fall in love! My friend Peter fell in love, and he's the mousiest little bastard--"

      "I'm not your friend Peter! Something like me should not fall in love with people!"

      Realizing his mistake, Remus clapped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head a few times. Sirius was perfectly still for almost a minute.

      "What do you mean, 'should not'?" he finally asked. "What do you mean, 'some*thing*'?"

***

      "What on Earth are we doing here?" Lily giggled as she and James trudged through snow.

      "Hang on." James lifted her up effortlessly (silently thanking all that Quidditch training for bulking him up a bit) and plopped her down on a low-hanging tree branch which he had just cleared of snow.

      "Why, thank you Mr Potter," Lily said with another giggle.

      "You're welcome, Miss Evans," James said, "but that's what I want to talk to you about."

      "Thanking people?"

      "No, my silly darling, last names."

      Lily's eyebrows shot up as she began to formulate suspicions about the direction the conversation was taking, but she tried to remain composed as she said, "Go on, then. What was it?"

      James coughed and tried to remember the words that he had rehearsed. He couldn't, so he quickly 'pulled some shit out of his arse' as Sirius would say. As it turned out, what he said straight from his heart came out better than any speech he could have written.

"Well, Lily, we've... er... we've been going out for a while now. I know this may be too soon for you, and I know we're really young, but I also know that I love you--" here he pulled the ring box out of his pocket-- "and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He looked up into his girlfriend's beautiful face.

"Cor, Lily, why in hell're you crying?! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll put the ring away; I'll take it back--"

"Jamie, you idiot!" Lily laughed, wiping her eyes. "I'm crying because I'm so damn happy! Of course I'll marry you, you stupid prat!"

James paused with the ring halfway back into his pocket. "Really?"

"Really."

They grinned, and kissed, and all was perfect in their little world.

***

Remus said nothing at first but then he swallowed, gathered his courage, and carefully said, "There are things about me that you don't know, Sirius, and I bet you wouldn't still say you love me if you did."

"You don't know that," Sirius challenged, "and you never will unless you tell me so you may as well."

There was a silence, then Remus nodded. "All right. Let's start with my brother, Romulus. I told you he was dead."

"Right."

"He died because a werewolf attacked us one night. We were playing out in the woods by our home when we shouldn't have been."

"But you got away okay?"

Remus took a deep breath. "Not exactly." 

He undid three of the buttons on his shirt and pushed it down so it exposed his left shoulder, where Sirius could barely make out a thin, pearly-white scar.

It suddenly clicked.

"Ohhh..." he breathed, eyes transfixed on the shoulder. "Those two days I was looking for you... the first..."

"Was the full moon. The second I was recovering; though it really didn't take too long, since Madam Pomfrey at Hogwarts was kind enough to help me."

"Hogwarts?"

"I stay at a little house just off grounds. The only way to enter it is through a secret passage on the Hogwarts grounds."

"The howling I heard... that was you!"

"Yes."

"But..." Sirius frowned. "Why can't you fall in love?"

"Come on," Remus laughed; not cruelly, but harshly, "you can't be serious." (Here Sirius resisted the urge to joke, which was rather difficult for him.) "Every full moon I transform into a horrible beast of the night that everyone hates and wants to kill off. Madam Rosmerta barely hired me, and I think she only did out of guilt and pity. Countless people before that have sent me out. They warned other shop owners about me. When I was nine, I ran into an amateur werewolf hunter and barely got away with my life. 

"Would *you* want to be with a werewolf? Would you want to fall in love with a werewolf, and kiss a werewolf, and hold him, and sleep with him, all the while knowing what he is?"

Sirius had been in a state of numbness before, but now the fog in his brain cleared.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I would."

Remus was taken aback. "Come again?"

"I'll not respond to that. That'll make it the second joke I've resisted making during this oh-so-solemn discussion. Anyhow, I said, Remus Lupin, that I love you. I love you just as you are; be you werewolf, or circus performer, or even Slytherin. Now, do you love me or don't you?"

"I believe I may," Remus murmured.

Sirius grinned what must have been the broadest grin he had ever produced in his seventeen years. "Well, then, stop standing over there all sexy-like in your half-unbuttoned shirt and get the hell over here so I can kiss you properly!"

Remus smiled the first genuine smile that Sirius had ever seen on him.

***

James and Lily ran hand-in-hand through Hogsmeade. They saw Peter with a Hufflepuff and decided not to disturb him; instead running off to search for Sirius.

They were getting into the poorer section of Hogsmeade and were about to turn back when they saw a small group of people in a semi-circle all staring at something and whispering things.

James and Lily looked at each other, nodded, and began to push through the people to see what they were staring at.

Sure enough, they had found Sirius. He was lip-locked with the blond waiter from the Three Broomsticks; the both of them wrapped up as well as they could be in Sirius's black leather jacket.

"Disgraceful!" one middle-aged wizard spat out.

"In public!" a witch added.

"Isn't it sweet?" Lily replied with a smile, making sure to wave with the hand that had her new engagement ring on it.

"Sirius Black!" James called out. "I should have known you'd be in the center of a big, scandalized crowd!"

Sirius and Remus looked up, finally noticing the crowd. Remus had the good grace to look embarrassed. He blushed profusely and hid his face.

Sirius, however, was much more brazen than that. He grinned and shouted, "Oh, you like to watch, do you? That's quite pervy, you know!" The crowd made astonished noises as he and his lover kissed once more before going to join James and Lily.

"James, Lily," Sirius said proudly, "this is Remus Lupin and he's my boyfriend. Remus, this is James and Lily. Judging by the rock on Lily's hand, James got up the courage to propose, so they'll both be named Potter soon."

Remus shifted nervously. "We'll have a lot to explain to them..."

"Ah, don't worry about it! If James and Lily can handle me, they'll love you just as you are."

***

End Part Six.

***

**End Notes**: Yay! I can't believe I finished this! I'm notoriously bad at finishing fics, so this is pretty good for me. I'm considering writing a tiny little sequel to this, because there are a few things that never made it into this one. For instance: Madam Rosmerta finds out about Remy and Siri; James and Lily get married; I was going to go further into the fact that Remy is magical but has never been to school; I was going to have a werewolf hunter come around; I was going to explain the "arrangement" that Madam Rosmerta and the three AU Marauders have; and other things. Instead I wrote a pathetic little fluffy thing. How sad. : D

PS: How obvious is it that I wrote this pre-OotP? ; D


End file.
